ANNA WANTS THE OCEAN

I am still reeling from yesterday.

I don’t understand how you can start dating someone in another state and literally tell NO ONE who you see in your day to day life- not even the girl that you flirt with constantly.

I’m still bummed out and hurt, but at this point I also feel bad for her. Is she aware that she’s basically his secret girlfriend? I know I’d be pretty bothered if I found out that the guy I was dating hadn’t told any of his friends about me.

What. The. Fuck?

Well, I feel deceived.

Men, it’s not cool to flirt constantly with a female friend and create tons of sexual tension, then casually mention that you got back together with your ex MONTHS ago and are now in a long distance relationship.

Like, woah. What the fuck.

When you send a text and immediately think:

“Dear God, why did I do that?”

Eating Mexican food in my underwear.

So this is how my Friday night ends.

Grad School in a Nutshell:

5 AM, dancing around my house, singing a little song about resilience theory.

I keep having heart palpations.

It’s freaking me out. I’m sure it’s stress, but it’s still unnerving.

I love my eccentric advisor.

I asked if we could meet tomorrow, but he is planning to stay home all weekend to work on an article. Instead, he suggested that we Skype.

The man lives ONE BLOCK away from me.

Spent the day binging and purging.

What the fuck happened? I was okay for so long. 

My heart feels funny.

I’m always stuck between my self destructive ways and my desire to take care of myself.

In the past 24 hours, I have smoked a cigarette, eaten a pint of Ben & Jerry’s, and gone running twice. 

What.

For the first time since I gave up on music I started working on a new song that I actually think has quite a lot of potential. This feels good, so good.

I guess theres an upside to loving someone you can’t have.

Fiona Apple’s Paper Bag is 110% my life right now.

Loving unattainable people is what I do best.

I just dropped a reference to the “analrapist” joke from Arrested Development to someone who has never seen the show. I am officially the most awkward person ever.

And now I know who is going around insisting that I’m involved with someone I’m not.

She’s 26. TWENTY SIX. WHAT ARE YOU DOING WITH YOUR LIFE, A.?

I had no idea grad school would feel so much like middle school.

Seriously, is it normal for there to always be frivolous drama in a cohort? Like rumors about who is involved with who? This is just silly. I shouldn’t be 22 years old and working on my masters degree and getting texts from my guy friends saying “So, I just heard a rumor that we’re dating.”